Being a stepmom is a fundamental part of my identity. I became a stepmom at 21, almost 22, and have been one for nearly 6 years now. Initially, I wasn't planning to be all that involved in my stepdaughter's life. It just didn't seem to be in the cards. My husband had been stationed in Hawaii in the navy for the first four years of my stepdaughter's life, and he met marked resistance to being involved in her life from my stepdaughter's mother and maternal family upon his discharge. That changed shortly after we married about a year and a half later. I'm not sure of the reasoning, but my stepdaughter's biomom (BM) initiated contact between us and my step daughter shortly after. We had a few meetups for ice cream and pizza, but then BM pulled back and disallowed contact. My husband decided that he wanted to be a permanent part of his daughter's life and was not going to play a game of being allowed in her life only at the convenience of BM, so off to court we went to establish court ordered visitation. After visitation began, I had the chance to finally get to know my stepdaughter for the wonderful, bright, witty, and beautiful girl that she is. I was surprised at how much she reminded me of myself. She loved science, particularly astronomy, so I was naturally thrilled. In the years since I have been blessed to be able to develop a unique relationship with her, discover who she is, and help guide her as she grows and begins to blossom into the young woman she is fast becoming.
It has been said by countless stepparents across the globe that stepparenting is infinitely more difficult than typical parenting, and I have to agree. As a stepmom I am certainly not Mom. My stepdaughter already has an involved mother who loves her very much. However, I am more than a fun relative that she gets hangs out with on the weekends who does not have a vested interest in seeing her develop a strong character, goals, dreams, and aspirations. It is a difficult tightrope walk balancing my role as not her mother but more than even a close Aunt. It seems that many times, no matter what I do or say I am either overstepping my bounds or too aloof and not quite involved enough. This seems to be a problem the world over for stepparents, particularly stepmoms.
Thus, I've decided to start this blog. I hope to discuss my view on various issues that come up for stepmoms and hopefully offer advice or comraderie to another stepmom somewhere out there who is also on this journey with me.
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